ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
