I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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