I think I won the penis lottery.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
