the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
