I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize