He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
