They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She told me I should be a condom model.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
