hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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