Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
