I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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