I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
