I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
