from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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