I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
