i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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