Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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