youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
