May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
