The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
