He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
