I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
