so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
