Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
