Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
