He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize