Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
