Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize