Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
