East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
