This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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