Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
