bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize