he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
