Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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