Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
