dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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