the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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