oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
