just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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