Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
