I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
40s are totally the cure
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
