i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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