i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
