I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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