my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
