Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize