This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
