I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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