she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
