just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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