I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
