it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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