yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
two words...techno handjob
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
