He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize