That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
