Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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