hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
