Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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