I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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