Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just googled if crying burns calories
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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