after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize