also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
