This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
