u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
