Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
