Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
