Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
